I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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