Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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