i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
mondays should just be called national damage control day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize