rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
