I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Randomize
