Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
