Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sext me about skeletons
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
