Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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