shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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