My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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