Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
