dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
