Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
