There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
