2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
