In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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