i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
