Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
