butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
