I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
