The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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