dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
