tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he thought i was a dude.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
