While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
