the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
