escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
