So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
