how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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