i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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