Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
