Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
