All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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