maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
