Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
