Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
