I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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