Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
