We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize