shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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