Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
