Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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