So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
