Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
