just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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