He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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