i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
