I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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