Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
