she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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