your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
