Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
