That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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