there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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