i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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