its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
