Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
