I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
