I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize