Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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