It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
