I cut my penus on the lid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
