woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
