The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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