I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
