I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize