I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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