one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
