Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
