come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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