i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
