i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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