I'm jealous of your bromance
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
