I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
