I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
