how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
