life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
