I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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