Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
