I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize