I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize