New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just high enough for therapy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
