And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
