Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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