Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
40s are totally the cure
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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