great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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