Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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