i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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