if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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