dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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