My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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