Duck Duck Cougar?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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